We Go to a Tombstone Unveiling

The day after the farewell party (see previous post) we went to a tombstone unveiling. This is a major event for South African families – and, like weddings and funerals, its the occasion for a big and expensive party for the community.

Yesterday three stones for members of our host mother's family were unveiled, and she has been cooking and preparing all week.

Saturday night and Sunday morning the house swarmed with visiting family members. We left at 8 a.m. (unveilings always occur early in the morning) and went first to the home of our mama's brother-in-law not too far away, where there was a religious service run by the ZCC (Zion Christian Church). It was conducted under a rented tent set up in the yard. The men's choir was dressed in beige military-style uniforms and they sang and danced and from time to time while they were singing they all jumped or stomped together. We caught the tail-end of that service as they choir was slowly dancing/recessing out to a waiting bus. We got in a relative’s car and drove quite a long way, over very dusty roads to a very rural cemetery. The three family tombs had lace coverings on them so they were easy to identify. Some 200 people had come out, family, friends, and church members. Our hostess said that really wasn’t a huge gathering because the persons for whom the tombstones were made had died many years ago and were not remembered by everyone. A tombstone is not necessarily carved within a year after a death. It can be erected decades later.

At each tombstone the ministers had a little service and a family member was invited to say something about the departed person. We heard poems and songs too, all in Setswana. It took about an hour and a half to get to all three tombstones. It was spiritually meaningful, even though we did not know the people being honored. When it was over we drove back to the relative's house where there was a feast.

Before we could enter the house we had to either wash our hands or submit to the substantial water spray the ZCC church performs to cleanse people. That is traditional. We chose to wash our hands in a tub near the entrance. Then we were sent down to a buffet of all kinds of home-cooked food. This was an even more lavish party than the Peace Corps thank-you event. Two cows had been slaughtered at the house (we missed that part, fortunately), and the ladies of the neighborhood had been cooking for days. There were huge pots and buckets of food to try.

By afternoon we were back at our house sitting under the trees and talking with our host mother's company. Her daughter and little grandson came, as well as her niece, who is in law school and a friend, and also our host's sister and her children. It was a most pleasant afternoon with our new family.